I am midnight drunk by noon
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
