You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I need a burrito and a hug.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
