She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
