She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
