im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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