i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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