Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh god it's open bar.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
