My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
