All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
