Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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