he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
