i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
