I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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