he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
