Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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