I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
