a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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