So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
