She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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