WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
