He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
