Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
