How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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