she looked like the before picture.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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