Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
