The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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