You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
