her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
