have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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