Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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