It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Welp...herpes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
