Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
