Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize