Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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