Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
