Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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