I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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