I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize