Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
