please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
