take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
