i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Houston, we have a blender
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
