Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
