i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
