yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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