Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
