I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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