I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
