Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
