he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
True college students do jello shots in the library
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
