do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
