I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
