YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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