Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
