I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
