Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
