My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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