dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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