Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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