Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
