you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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