so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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