Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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