Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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