Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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