i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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